Enthusiastic Consent in Pop Culture–We reveal our picks

Last month we asked for your help in identifying unmistakable examples of consent from your favorite movies, TV shows, and music videos.

It took a huge amount of digging to come up with 7 examples that were both enthusiastic and explicit and not merely inferred/implied. Sometimes the actual enthusiasm doesn’t show up until the kiss. And often the moments of consent are surrounded by sketchy behavior or circumstances that call into question whether consent can legitimately be given. Our hope is that consent conversations become common in both real life and fiction.

Here’s our picks:

•Frozen – Anna & Kristoff

In our opinion, Disney’s “Frozen” meets the gold standard for enthusiastic consent in media! Anna & Kristoff share their first kiss with the confidence that they each were excited and that they agreed to do so. This sets a great example for audiences of all ages. Simple and delightfully wholesome, this scene definitely tops our list!

•Booksmart – Amy & Hope

 In “Booksmart”, one of our all time favorite coming of age movies, characters Amy & Hope show us a 10/10 example of checking in with each other throughout a steamy hookup scene. Note: Though this particular scene shows enthusiastic consent to continue physical contact from both parties, it should be noted that in scenes before, alcohol is being consumed at a house party by these and many other characters in the film. We acknowledge that alcohol can be a factor in consenting to any given sex act.

•Gossip Girl – Dan & Serena

This was a fun and refreshing scene to rediscover. It could even be considered ahead of its time in terms of enthusiastic consent, seeing as many scenes of this nature from this era tend to show non-explicit or “murky” consent. Dan & Serena had had previous opportunities for a sexual debut, but decided to wait until they each felt ready, ultimately, their “first time” decision proved to be intentional and thoughtful. Plus, it took place in the dreamiest of venues: a planetarium! *swoooon*

•Bluey – Yes/No button in “Dance Mode”

We think that “Bluey” hit the nail right on the head when it comes to explaining consent to  a younger audience. In this episode, Bluey’s younger sister, Bingo, uses a Yes/No button toy when she is feeling frustrated about her family crossing her boundaries. Sometimes it can be hardest to say “no” to the ones we care about the most! Bluey was very responsible in their portrayal of this idea. Well done, Bluey!

• Heartstopper – Charlie & Nick

Based on the graphic novel by Alice Oseman, this series includes much of the nonverbal subtext illustrated in the pages of the book. The slow build up of tension makes the kiss itself feel almost physically relieving. Uncertainty about Nick’s sexuality and the implications of intimacy on their relationship raises the stakes of this interaction, making affirmative consent particularly salient.

•The Bachelor – Bekah M. & Arie

These dating show participants don’t rely on social proscriptions that would assume the other is always ready for romantic touch! Instead, they build up excitement (and prioritize consent) by making a verbal confirmation, using a simple “wanna kiss?”

•Sex Education – Maeve & Isaac

Did anyone really think we could make it through the week without including an example from Sex Education? This scene highlights Maeve and Isaac’s curiosity about each others’ sexual desires, and shows them building trust through communication. Instead of framing the experience as an endeavor to “overcome” Isaac’s disability, the characters invite each other into a mutual exploration of pleasure.

The search doesn’t have to end here – we encourage folks to continue to keep an eye out for enthusiastic consent in media… we know we’re going to!